One of the habits I’ve developed in prison is one I probably will not give up when I go home: keeping a daily calendar. At first it was initiated as a way to keep track of legal deadlines and communication with my attorneys. But it quickly escalated into a tracker for requests made to the institution, medical treatments, a journal of workouts, letters to and from home, as well as birthdays, special dates, and anniversaries. Yesterday, October 23rd was one of those days. It was the day in 2015, five full years ago, that I was given the worst news of my life. Not a very good day to want to remember, but it’s on my calendar.
So I did a poll to find out how many guys remember the day they knew they were going to prison. Why? I wanted to find out if what I do is, well, normal. The results? I don’t think I’m normal. While 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed may recommend Crest with fluoride for their patients, 4 out of 5 inmates cannot recall the day they either pleaded guilty or, like me, heard the jury’s fateful decision. I asked 52 random guys for their date. Only 9 remembered. Of the nine, seven have been in prison less than two years so it is fresh in their minds.
So you want to know what went through my mind when I realized my “anniversary”? Well, at first, I thought of how much I have lost since that day. I remembered that feeling in my gut. I remembered my sense of despair and panic of the unknown. Then something else came to mind: I counted my blessings. And you know what? While prison sucks in so many ways, the experience has allowed me to grow in so many ways that I wouldn’t have any other way. While I would absolutely trade this experience, I would negotiate to keep the lessons, if you know what I mean.
So what’s a life lesson you learned out of hardship? Do you think back to that time to refresh your memory and relearn your lesson? Or do you prefer to move on and try to forget the reason for your unique memory? My question to you: Why forget anything? Life deals all of us cards and we are supposed to play all of them. There is a reason and a process for pain just like there is for the wins in our lives. Miss those opportunities and you might just think life is not fair and you’ll become resentful and angry and miss all the good. Without the dark, you wouldn’t know light. Without the cold you wouldn’t understand hot. If there is nothing bad, how do you really appreciate the good?
I thank God for my lessons, easy and difficult. Because at the end of the day, I am so very thankful for the good in my life today and in the days to come. So, I want to spend a minute remembering the good people around me. For their help and support, EB, Ust, Lisa, Denise, Ray, Jack, Joe, Alex, and Linda. For support of my legal defense recently, Beth D, Deb A, Kennel and Allison, Kelly T, Debbie K, Sue S, Barry D, Dee M, RC, and Rhianna G.
Thank you.
And for those not mentioned, but always in my corner praying their hearts out, I know you and I thank God for all of you too.
So take a minute and remember a lesson, and count a blessing…and tell someone how important they are to you. I did it. You can do it. It’s worth it.
Michael Barnes' Story 