Hello all…it has been an interesting few months for me. You’ll remember back in November that I was moved from my “home” facility of over three years. I was sent to a camp that promised better amenities and opportunities. While not liking the move, and being taken completely by surprise, I opted for an open minded approach to the change. It was not like I planned or expected it, and I was fortunate enough to be able to go through the administrative channels to return to my former facility.

I did learn something…or better yet, I was reminded of something we all know. The grass is never really greener on the other side of the fence. While we may think other places or opportunities will be better than what we have, the end result is usually we are left wanting the comforts of a previous place. That is exactly what happened to me.

I won’t go into details in this blog, but I will tell you the end result was awesome for me. I returned here with a new perspective and a new attitude. I was received back here warmly by guys I knew, and some that I really didn’t care to mingle with while I was here before. I even found myself speaking with guards who noticed me and expressed something positive about seeing me back.

I have spent the past two weeks sharing my story, and how my change of perspective and attitude has opened my eyes to better things. The camp here went through some changes itself while I was gone. These changes have been a challenge to some who have been here a while. I’m sure I would be in the same spot had I not been exposed to the other side of the fence. So maybe, the result of my move was to be a voice of reason and support for others upon my return. If so, mission accomplished.

The other possibility is that I was divinely interrupted to allow my case to proceed through the courts without my knowing. This alleviated any stress or anxiety that I certainly would have experienced. As I write, my case in the lower court has moved forward again with the state attorney filing their response to my complaint. The next step is for a date to be set on the court calendar for a hearing. If scheduled now, I am thinking it could be as early as April. That is AWESOME.

But I still need help. And that is not so awesome. You have helped me in the effort to raise awareness and funds for this day. But I am still in need. Please consider helping, either with a donation or by spreading the word. Post this blog and the GoFundMe for as many people to help. I look back at how much has happened to allow me to be this far in the process, I am confident that with your help (and PRAYERS) that I will be able to see it through.

So your takeaway from this blog? Take stock in where you are today…not where you want to be. Then look back and see the blessings that you have received to be where you are. Don’t forget to be thankful and appreciate what you have. When you start thinking about the things you don’t have, you begin a slow and steady descent into unhappiness. Life has a funny way of reminding us that what we really want, is usually right in front of us…today. Be thankful…and let someone know that you love them. Never miss that opportunity.

God bless…keep sharing love (and this blog!)

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I’m all in…

In poker, when you are all in, you have nothing left to put into the pot. Everything you have is now at risk, or will be multiplied as a reward. From a legal standpoint…I’m all in.

At the end of December, I filed my final motion with the court system claiming ineffective assistance from my appeal attorney. Similar to my trial attorney, my appeal attorney had a level of knowledge and professionalism that should have been displayed in my defense before the court. I am claiming that my appeal attorney should have acknowledged the same error my trial attorney missed, causing me to lose my appeal. For those who know my case, I won’t go into details, but it was an obvious error. The state now has a chance to respond and then a panel of three judges will decide. This will take 4-10 months, I guess.

My claim in the lower court is in day 50 of a 60 day wait period while the state decides to file their response or file for another extension. I am hoping they file their response, then the judge will most likely set the date for the hearing. Once that is done, we can get down to serious discussions of dealing with the error and possibly making a deal. Prayers on this please. This could be the difference between possibly going home, or waiting on the higher court to intervene.

My transfer back to my previous camp has been approved…but now I wait for transfer and placement. I have no idea how long this could take. But I am in a place that is not conducive to positive change or treatment. It is a hard place, full of racism and improper treatment from those employed by the system. Being an inmate here is a matter of survival, mentally and physically. I hope to update all from my old (new) camp soon.

Continue to help and pray for my family please. We are so close to the possibility of being reunited, but I’m very cautious of being overconfident. The system is very tricky and difficult to navigate. Please keep spreading the word. I am still in need of funds to see this through. I am still believing in miracles and hope this can be one of them.

Interested in helping out? GoFundMe

Interested in reaching out? Drop a line, or like the cool kids say “HMU”

Interested in getting updates? Subscribe to the blog

Life is not always fair if you don’t understand the rules…here are some I’ve learned in no particular order:

1. Perform “Intentional” acts of kindness – random acts are nice, but if living your life looking to do nice things, well that’s just being nice.

2. Say “I Love You” a lot and mean it…you can even use words sometimes.

3. Say “I’m sorry” a lot and mean it…when you are wrong (and you will be) ADMIT It quickly and most importantly, understand that a bad apology is worse than no apology…it has to come from your heart.

4. Say “Thank You” and mean it…thank you cards are a lost art, find it…you’ll never stop being amazed at the doors, as well as, hearts you will open, by showing the extra effort to show gratitude.

5. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes…learn from them, embrace them, accept them as part of life. More learning has been done by trying to do something than from reading about it.

6. Look for the good in people…everyone has it…it just takes longer to see in some. But you are not perfect. Don’t you appreciate someone finding the good in you? Pay it forward.

7. When dealing with people, especially people that mean something to you, watch what they do, not what they say. You can save yourself a lot of heartache.

8. Never give up…I’ve told this to my family more times than I can count. But if you think this way, you’ll know that the walls in life will be to keep other people out. However, walls are only there to prove how much you want something…never quit if it means something to you

9. No job should be beneath you…the Bible says to work heartily as to God, not to man because it is from God that you will receive your reward.

10. You can’t do everything alone – surround yourself with good people and understand that when we are connected to others, we become better people.

11.Never be afraid to ask the question…even the stupid one. They may say “no”, but then again they may say “yes”…and you can learn something.

12. Don’t be what other people think you should be, be what you WANT to be. Enough said.

13. Find and use your strengths every day. Remember that your strengths are not what you are good at, they are what make you feel strong. You were created by God. Your purpose is about becoming what he created you to be. (https://mylifeinside.home.blog/2019/10/01/take-your-test-find-your-strengths/)

14. Learn to serve BEFORE you learn to lead. You will have a better perspective, more empathy, and better judgment when dealing with people and circumstances.

15. Talk less and LISTEN more. Dale Carnegie is famous for saying that, to be interesting, you must be interested. Remember that people are more interested in their needs and problems than yours. And you will learn more too.

16. Character is revealed and developed by testing…and you will be tested A LOT. Have a good foundation to build on by knowing who you are and why you do what you do.

17. LOVE FIRST…this should be first…this is the most important lesson to learn…without love, life is worthless. Love will last forever. Love will leave a legacy. The greatest gift you can give someone you love, is your time.

18. Never try to win an argument. Avoid them like the plague. Two things happen in an argument…if you lose, you lose and if you win, you lose. Did you ever win a friend by proving them wrong? No

19. Smile – Your smile is your message to the world. What you wear on your face is more important than the clothes you wear. Smile more and the world will smile too…try it.

20. Blood is thicker than water and while you can drown in less than 3 inches of water, remember this: nothing will love you, support you, fight for you, or open their arms to hug you tight like your family will. Their love is unconditional and yours should always be unconditional too.

There you go…one more thing…

My love is not money…but because of it you are rich.

My love is not a fancy car… but it will take you places in life.

My love is not a big house…but you will always have a place in my heart.

My love is not a lot of friends…but I promise you, you will never be alone in this world as long as I am here.

HAPPY 2020!!!

Interested in helping out? GoFundMe

Interested in reaching out? Drop a line, or like the cool kids say “HMU”

Interested in getting updates? Subscribe to the blog

It is said that God uses problems to draw us closer to him. Problems, they say, force us to look to God and depend on him instead of ourselves. In his popular book “The Purpose Driven Life,” Rick Warren writes, “You’ll never know that God is all you need until God is all you’ve got.”

But what if it feels like God has left you all alone?
Read about the biblical patriarchs, Abraham, Joseph, David, Hezekiah, all felt God’s separation at one time or another.

Last week, I reached that point. Uprooted and thrown into limbo with the Department of Corrections. I lost possessions, positions, and comfort. My heart was broken, I felt abandoned and out of options. Add to this, it is now my most favorite time of year. A time when families celebrate traditions, togetherness, and love for each other. But not mine.

So I found myself broken, close to tears and looking up at the sky and saying, “WHERE ARE YOU GOD?” Days went by…nothing.

Then I was brought to the Gospel of Mark and his story of Jesus calming the storm…you know the story. But let me explain deeper…

(Mark 4:35-40)
After a long day of teaching and healing Jesus and his crew get in a boat to go to the other side of the sea. A fierce storm rolls in and the disciples are scared to death-literally. Where is Jesus? Asleep in the back of the boat. The disciples wake him up and say “help! Do you want to die too?” Jesus gets up, calms the storm and the sea and says to thee, “Where is your faith? Do you still not believe?”

Now here is the part that is not told. Some of the disciples were skilled boatsmen. They had been through storms at sea…they knew what to do. But did they do it? No…they took the easy route and pleaded with Jesus to get involved. I can only imagine Jesus’ face…because I felt like he was looking at me when I finally read between the lines. I immediately went back to the day of asking where he was…only to hear his words to me…”WHERE IS YOU FAITH? DO YOU STILL NOT BELIEVE???”

I was embarrassed. I felt like I was called out, in that dream naked in front of thousands. But here’s the thing…I couldn’t answer the question. I couldn’t stop my own doubts.

So what to do? In the 2nd book of Chronicles it says that God left Hezekiah to himself to test him…to know all that was in his heart. I am being isolated for a reason. I am being tested. Everything is being taken away from me to see what I am when I have nothing.

Maybe I’ll wake up and it will be like George Bailey in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Maybe everything will be restored to me. Maybe I’ll be able to tell you all of the blessings after the fire…maybe.

All I want for Christmas is two things…my family and my faith.

God help me.

Last week, during a phone call with my attorney discussing the work being done to send the case to the higher court for review (Court of Appeals), I learned some exciting news – the lower court (Polk County) granted my request to move ahead. Not only did I learn about the favorable judgment, I learned that the approval came last month (Nov 6th) and the State Attorney had already asked for their first extension. This means the wheels are finally moving!!

From here I fully expect the State Attorney to delay and request another extension, but eventually the court will stop granting extensions and put a date on the calendar for a hearing. This could be as early as March! During this entire process, being granted a hearing was always the primary goal. Just like in any legal matter, once you have a date on the calendar, both sides have the opportunity to work out a resolution before going in front of the judge. I am extremely excited.

But, I am also extremely nervous as you could probably imagine. The legal battle is finally coming to a head but financially I am still in need. I fear I could get near the end of this battle and find my resources run out and be left wanting. Please help me. If you know me and my family, you know how much we want to be reunited. If you don’t, read about my story in previous blogs and the GoFundMe (CLICK ME!!!!) page set up for donations.
Please help by spreading the word, or by giving even a small amount.

Also, if you do, please pray for my family. It is fractured from the separation and stress. Prayer works in two ways…it will help us and you will draw closer to Him. Thank you.

 

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted anything, but a lot has been going on with me. Over the last few weeks, I have had the privilege of being reminded what prison is and how much I have grown in the last four years.

In early November, I was shocked to learn that I was moving to another institution. I was shocked because I did not request the move and I was totally and completely blindsided. You see, in the DOC there are only one of three ways you change camps:

1. You request a move when you are eligible
2. You are deemed “needed” by the DOC and moved as needed for your expertise
3. You get in trouble

The funny thing for me is that none of those applied to me. I was moved because my good record entitled me to be part of a new initiative by the DOC to place like-minded inmates together at a camp designed to enable them to do their time in a more positive environment. I was already at a good camp. But when the DOC decides to move you, there is nothing you can do but move.

Transition from one camp to another is not fun. My trip took a total of 10 days to move about forty minutes away. It subjected me to multiple inspections and searches of my personal possessions and pride. I lost property and possessions collected over the last four years: Clothes, books, pictures, radio, and shoes. All gone.

I also spent time in two of the toughest camps in Florida, sleeping next to murderers and gangbangers. I suffered lockdowns and highly restricted movement. My ability to communicate home was governed by gang members who regulated the phone and computer. Luckily, I was able to negotiate with some of them – in exchange for my food.

I am now at the new “incentivized” camp and it is not really bad. While starting at the bottom again, I can see my potential for doing good things here. I am also closer to both of my boys. The best thing from this whole experience is I have been reminded how temporary some things in life are. I had to let go of things in order to see what was really worth my effort.

For those of you out there, maybe you can relate by thinking of the last time you moved. You were forced to get rid of clutter and possessions you held on to so tightly. You had to ask yourself the questions, “Do I really need this?” The truth is, when we release things it allows room for new growth. Looking back, I hated every minute of this move. Right now, I am thankful for it. I can now think clearly about my next phase – and I am somewhat excited to see where this takes me.

So at Thanksgiving time, I am thankful for the little things, and the big moves, that allow for my growth. I am thankful for the ones that love me, and even for the ones that don’t think about me anymore. For the time was not a total loss.

I hope only the best for you and your families.

Stay tuned…

I have been struggling to write this lately. There are many things running through my mind. October had some key dates on the calendar for me. There is a celebration of life for someone taking too soon. My son and his girlfriend celebrated seven years together. My mother-in-law turned 75. My wife and I met 30 years ago. I lost a controversial trial four years ago…Four long, painful, friggin’ years ago. With the help of a lot of people, I was able to hire an attorney last October to challenge my conviction. But there is no promise of release, only the lonely and frustrating fight to get home.

I have been working to stay positive through the dates and see good rather than bad. I’ve been working to remain relevant in the lives of people who I’m separated from, fighting barriers of both physical and emotional. I know WHY I do it, but I’m running out of ideas of HOW I can keep doing it.

It has been over five months since the formal motion was filed with the court in Polk county, but there seems to be no rush and processing anything. Now I am being forced to make another decision regarding my fate in the courts. I have roughly 60 days to file paperwork that would ask another court to make the decision that Paul County is slow to make. I knew I may come to this point in the process, but to be honest I was hoping I didn’t have to. It costs more money that I have been more than I want to ask for again.

Some people feel that prison is an easy time. No real responsibilities. Three meals and a bed. No bills to pay. Lots of free time to exercise, or read, or sleep, or do whatever. What about all the time there is to worry and feel helpless? What about the idea of losing everything you worked for? Because of an overaggressive state attorney who twisted court procedures to confuse and overburdened trial attorney and take advantage of the sympathetic jury who wanted nothing more than to go home on Friday night. I’ll switch places with anyone who wants the “easy” life of prison.

Today, I asked for two things from you. First that You would include my family in your prayers. We have been through so much already and each day separated add to the list of anguish is. Second, please consider helping my caused by visiting GoFundMe page created to raise funds and awareness of my legal fight. These next few months will be crucial in my fight. Please help me get home.

Thank you!

Here we go again. Another election year and more gossip about prison reform on the agenda at the state capital in Tallahassee. If you remember, last year the biggest buzz in the system was caused by the proposal to lower the mandatory time to 65% of your sentence. As it stands now, that would mean 2 1/2 less years of time I would need to serve if I do not gain relief from my motion in the courts currently. 2 1/2 years as a long time when you are in prison. If nothing else, it would help get me home sooner.

But the real issue that needs to be addressed, in my opinion, is the treatment of the inmates by the employees of the Department of Corrections. For the most part, especially where I am, treatment by staff is fair. Follow the rules and show respect and most of the time, you are showed some of the same respect. But the overall picture gets tainted by the few who feel it is their right to impose their personal vendettas on any and all inmates. From verbal abuse and taunting, to the unfortunate physical abuse, which was recently showcased by the hijacked a video from the Lake Correctional Institution, here in Florida. There are five guards took the opportunity to be a single inmate for mouthing off at them. Yeah, it happens. Take a look at the video on YouTube. I’ve seen it on the news. And while not subject to physical abuse, I have been subject to the demoralizing and humanizing that the system is known for. It sucks. What makes it suck even more is the fact that most of these guards couldn’t hold steady job at Walmart.

Would it deter anyone from conducting crimes if there was a clearer Bill of Rights for inmates? Probably not. But the system is broken, and you are paying for it. Overcrowding and underfunding create dangerous environments for the inmate. From under control staph infections and scabies in the dormitories, to inadequately prepared food from a diet already inadequate to sustain an average man.

I believe some people may believe that the punishment of incarceration is the separation from family I love once. But the punishment never really ends. Take me for instance. I was charged with crimes I thought as false. It is alright to fight, correct? Our Constitution gives us the right to a fair trial. But the reality is that you will get more punishment if you fight. Although I was facing 70 years in prison, I actually won on some accounts but still received 25 years. There are guys here who have killed people and made deals to get 8 years or less. It’s crazy.

So there is my rant. But I don’t have a solution. The truth is, neither do the politicians. They’ll make it sound good. They have to. Their job depends on it.

For me? I will continue to fight to get home. I’ve been waiting for the court to make a move on my case for five months. Nothing new to report on my side. I am praying for help. Please join me in the prayer that I am guided to make the right choices related to my case. Please visit my GoFundMe (gf.me/u/wjgxtx) page if you are not familiar with my plight. It’ll be helpful if you shared it with your friends on social media too. I need all the help I can get.

Thank you for listening. Go Dawgs!

Some titles can be deceiving, and this is one can be put into that category. But to the Florida Department of Correction, the title may very well be an explanation of how they think about the personal, romantic needs of the inmate population. If you are like me and are fortunate to have a wife waiting for you on the outside, this is the time limit for your regular relational development. Hurry up, the clock is ticking.

Fifteen minutes, understand first, everything you. Do to stay in touch with the outside world costs money. Phone calls, emails, video visitation, and even snail mail. Nothing is free. Second, the numbers of people who need to use them significantly outnumber the devices you need to contact the outside world. In the case of the phone, there is one phone for every 35 inmates. The computer for emails or videos? We have one computer for 95 inmates. It takes a good bit of planning (and a lot of patience) to keep regular communication with just my wife. Add into the equation, two grown boys and the family that has chosen to stay in touch with me. It is not a full-time job, but it can be tricky.

Fifteen minutes. It is never enough time, and most of the time you have someone in the dorm waiting to use the phone, so call-backs are rarely consecutive. But if you get lucky, you can get the opportunity to double your time. Oh, by the way, I can’t really call my wife at work, so my available opportunities are more limited. Even after working out the logistics, you only scratch the surface of have a conversation that enables your relationship to flourish. Most of the time is spent just catching up on the events you missed because you haven’t spoken in a few days.

Fifteen minutes. I challenge you to have a conversation with you husband or wife tonight about their day today. Go ahead, time yourself. Start with,” Hi honey. How was your day?” then sit back and listen. Give them the needed verbal cues that you are actively listening, the “uh-huhs” and the “sure, I understands.” Try not to interrupt, because that, of course, is rude. Then when they stop talking, take a look at the clock.  Do you still have time to answer the same question you just asked? What if you. Only. Spoke two or three times a week? My guess is that you won’t. Trust me on this one. I have a few years’ experience with this very same activity.

Fifteen minutes. One word of advice. DO NOT have an argument. God forbid any party hangs up out of frustration. Especially since I am only allowed outgoing calls. Besides, have you ever worked out a disagreement with your significant other in less than fifteen minutes? So now, throw in added stress of getting equal. Time for both sides of the disagreement, and the craziness of getting back in line or finding an open phone in the dorm to continue where you let off…because you will not get both sides in on the first call…or the second…

That’s just the phone. If I want to send an email, guess how much time I get on the computer? Fifteen minutes. Then I have to wait an hour to log back in. Of course, that does not count the time I have to wait in line.  Behind the other inmates using their allotted fifteen minutes. I bet you’re wondering how long I get for a video-visit, similar to skyping? Yep, you guessed it. Fifteen minutes. Seems crazy, doesn’t it? If you read at the pace I do, it has taken you a little over two minutes just to read up to this point in the blog. (See? You just looked at the clock.)

What’s my point in writing this? I guess this week I’m a little agitated. Prison is hard enough on my relationships. To be limited and restricted just drives me crazy. People talk about reforming prisons. They want to reduce the number of people coming back. They say they want to treat us more humanely. A great place to start all of that is to allow access to the very people who give us our reason to survive. The very source of the strength we need. My family is everything to me. That’s not too much to ask – give me everything! At least, not in fifteen-minute segments. God help me…please get me home…

Interested in helping out? GoFundMe

Interested in reaching out? Drop a line, or like the cool kids say “HMU”

Interested in getting updates? Subscribe to the blog

“God arms me with strength and makes my way perfect” (Psalm 18:32)

Over the past few weeks, I have been writing on the subject of Positive Psychology and the idea identifying and applying our natural tendencies (strength) to increase our state of happiness (well-being). The theory of Positive Psychology is that we can learn and apply scientifically tested ways to live a more profound, productive, and positive life.

In the last edition, I shared some of my personal findings about my strengths and challenges associated with application of the theory. My message to the critics and noon-believers would be this: just give it a shot. What do you have to lose? If you’re miserable now and it doesn’t work for you, you’ll only be as miserable as you were when you began. But if it improves your quality of life even a little bit, would that be worth it? I don’t know about you, but for me the answer was a definite “yes.”

Of course, with the discovery of your talents or strengths, comes a similar discovery of things that differ. Now understand this: being good at something does not guarantee it will make you happy; and likewise, just because something is considered a weakness does not mean it has to be something you are bad at. In fact, you may be very good at it, but it just drains the. Life out of you. My own results indicate that my lowest scoring traits: fairness, judgment, and forgiveness, are my weaknesses. But here in prison, I exercise these talents very well. In fact, I believe my ability to utilize them has save me at times…but I hate how I feel after using them. I am definitely not happy or content. Not even close.

Let me explain.

My lowest scoring talent is fairness. Does that mean that I am not fair? No, not really. According to the testing profile, here is the explanation of being “fair:” “you do not let your personal feeling bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a second change. You easily set aside personal prejudices.” In my time incarcerated, I have learned to be less “fair” by personal experiencing deception and lies. I’ve been assaulted, I’ve had things stolen, I’ve been threatened, and attempted to be manipulated by other inmates. I was naïve and innocent to the ways of prison and had to learn very quickly how to survive. My sense of fairness had to change.

Next at the bottom of my list were judgment and forgiveness. You can probably see where this is going. Judgement is defined as “thinking in ways that favor and confirm what you already believe…not confusion your own wants with the facts of the world.” Again, this is not. Something. I am bad at; I am very good at this. Prison has forced me to be very aware of this way of thinking. Forgiveness? I can do it. But remember, these things drain the life out of me. I have given second chances and have been disappointed so many times that it is almost unthinkable that I should do it again. But I do. It gets harder and harder.

Psychologist Victor Frankl said, “ Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life. Everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he. Cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.” John Maxwell mirrored Frankl’s comments by saying, “Each of us has a purpose for which we were created. Our responsibility – and our joy – is too identify it.” Just as the Psalmist wrote over 2500 years ago, our role is to find our way, our purpose. When we do, all the pain and suffering can finally make sense or have meaning. When we. Find our reason “why” we do things, I believe life can finally take a turn for the better.

I am interested in your opinions and experiences. Please add a comment or two and let me know.