“God arms me with strength and makes my way perfect” (Psalm 18:32)

In the last blog, I promised I would share my test scores and how I am working to find my “perfect way.” Interestingly, I have taken the AVI test at different times to see if my mood affected the results. The answer is that while some scores varied slightly, the scored were eerily consistent. My top scores were “Perspective, Loving, Appreciation of Beauty, and Humor.” Coming in a close second were “Love of Learning, Ingenuity, Leadership, Kindness, Spirituality, Hope, and Passion.”

If using my top strengths allows me to feel the way I am intended to feel, how do I use them in prison? Great question. I didn’t. At least not at first. Not for a while actually. I found myself using some of my lower scoring attributes (weaknesses) more than my strengths. I shut down and went into survival mode. However, I’ll get into those later.

After analyzing my own schedule and identifying when I was happy, it was easy to see that one of my well-being triggers is spending time with my wife and sons. When I am involved with them, either on the phone or physical across the table at visitation, I am in the zone. We have engaging conversations and share laughter. I am able to share my perspective on my struggles and achievements, as well as learning about theirs. I am able to show love (and be loved) instead of being stone-cold and distant. I am aware of how my “boys” are emerging into intelligent, well-rounded men,  and also take in how beautiful my wife is, even when she doesn’t feel it. All these things I sometimes missed when I was running through life trying to catch the next best thing. Hindsight is indeed, 20/20.

While prison can do everything to wear a person down, I am in a fortunate position to develop and use skills that benefit my well-being. I teach, and I get to see the positive results in some cases. I have created new classes and redesigned other to be more effective and interesting. People look up to me enough to ask my advice, and some actually do what I recommend – and thank me. I like helping people do things they didn’t think possible or see a situation from angle they didn’t consider. While I may not be using my “signature” strengths, and it may not be as satisfying as my family time, positively influencing other inmates helps me to feel like I still matter; like I still have a purpose. It is that feeling that helps me out of bed at times when I would rather curl up into a ball and be invisible.

Of course, this is just a small sample of how this idea of “positive” and “strengths training” has improved my outlook on a very terrible period of my life. There are plenty of days when the idea of well-being is far from my mind, because I still let negative thoughts get in my way. I still struggle. It is one thing to gain the knowledge necessary and another to apply the concept consistently. It takes practice…a lot of practice. But. If you are like me, once you know how it can be and compare it to where you are, you will work to get in the zone as much as possible.

The other thing to remember is that life is not fair. Life will throw things at us that we did not, or cannot, prepare for. In those moments, we just hang on. It’s just the way it is. But how much of your day is spent “reacting” and how much of your day are you “coasting?” By coasting, I mean just getting by. Life isn’t challenging you and you’re not pushing the envelope either. I would venture to say if you could understand and harness your strengths and do the activities that lead to engagement for a portion of the “coasting,” you would see a significant improvement in your well-being (aka, happiness).

If I can do it behind prison walls, what’s stopping you from trying?

“God arms me with strength and makes my way perfect” (Psalm 18:32)

In the last blog, I introduced a recent trend in psychology called positive psychology. It’s not really new, 20 years in practice. But in comparison to the many years of the practice of psychology as a whole, it is a baby. To refresh your memory, the theory of positive psychology is that we all have the ability to use certain talents (strengths) that are so natural to us that when we are using them everything in our life becomes more purposeful, engaging, and fulfilling. Our emotions, relationships, and achievements all become more meaningful and we flourish in a state of well-being. The psalm above captures the idea well, I believe. If I may use a small bit of artistic license, I believe that God not only creates us to be unique, but to have qualities that will benefit us, and the people around us. He creates in us talents (strengths), that when use the way he intends them to be used, we find our path to fulfillment easier (perfection).

So how do we know what our strengths are? Well, you wake a test. The test was designed over years of research and application. It is the AVI test and you can access it at authentichappiness.org. Spend time carefully (and honestly) answer the questions and you will then rank the twenty-four character “strengths” and the bottom ones are “weaknesses.” We will discuss the weaknesses later.  For now, just concentrate on the top 4 or 5 qualities.

The next step is to go through your weak and be aware of your emotional state. As you go through your day, what makes you happy? Did you do something where you were content or fulfilled? Did you lose time in an activity that you later felt accomplishment? In those times, you were using strengths. Not necessarily, all of your top scorers, but you should be able to identify which ones you were using when you felt “happy.” Those are your “signature strengths.” Those character traits are natural to you. When you are using them, you are in a state of ease and you feel like you were intended to feel.

The trouble for most people is they are chasing the wrong stimulus. Some are chasing the hours at work to make the money. Then when payday comes, they are still left wanting. Some are working for recognition that is never realized. Some crave the position and work for promotion only to find they are empty and alone. We tend to sacrifice the very things that will fulfill us because we don’t really know what makes us unhappy. We think all those other things are important, but you may fund that you may be more content with a quality relationship than a decent paycheck. You may find a meaningful conversation is more fulfilling than telling people what to do. You may find that you are in the wrong spot in life.

The best part of this. arm of psychology is that we can learn the things that will help us to flourish. The first step is to identify our individual strengths and take an honest view of our current lives. When we then compare where we are to where we want to be, we can create a plan to get there. We can find the pathway to well-being (aka, happiness).

In the next blog, I will share my test scores and how I am working to find my “perfect way.”

“God arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.” Psalm 18:32

For the last two months, I have been intrigued by the emerging practice positive psychology. Over the last 20 years, positive psychology has gained accolades for its breakthroughs of relieving some psychological maladies, such as depression and anxiety. It also helps show the pathways to well-being (aka, happiness) could not only be identified, but also learned. Think of it like this: instead of studying a body ravaged by disease to understand the disease, find the bodies that beat the disease and thrived and study how and why that party did not succumb to the same stimulus. Study the success, not the failure.

To dive to the idea of positive psychology, you first must understand you. You must come to grips with who you are and why you do what you do. The theory is that we have certain talents or core strengths, that we are born with. When we are using those core strengths, we go into a state of flow. The flow allows us to become engaged in a way that creates a sense of purpose in what we are doing so that our work, our relationships, and our accomplishments are tremendously rewarding. So, understand your strengths, find the activities that allow you to utilize these strengths, and everything you do will be more fulfilling. When you are fulfilled, you are content. When you are content, you are happy. I’m simplifying this, but you get the idea.

Now there are some caveats. You have to understand that what you may be good at is not always a strength. What you are good at does not necessarily make you happy. It may make you money. It may give you prestige. But at the end of the day, it may drain you. It may rob you of quality time. How many people do you know who look like they have it all, but are utterly unhappy? There are many.

Prison is a place that takes away your sense of strength. Like the military, prison is intent on breaking down the individual. But unlike the military, there is no intent on then taking that person and fitting him into a strong team. They just want you broken so you are easier to be warehoused in a facility. Then when you time is done, they set you free into a world you are ill prepared for. Why do you think the recidivism rate (rate of return) for prison is almost 80%?

I am going to spend a few blogs on this subject because I have just emerged from a hole in my own life. The last few months have been eye opening for me. I have dealt with a life unfulfilled and empty. I don’t like me in that world. I do not believe I was made to live in that world. If I was, it was only to show others how to get out of it. So, stay tuned. Because I feel strong when I help people do things, they didn’t think they could do! I feel strong when I use my perception to help other see the world differently. I feel strong when I show love. I am about to do all three…and more.

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What sounds better…14 weeks or three and a half months?? I guess it depends on what the time means, right? Well, that’s how long it has been since I filed my papers with the court for a new hearing. I’m trying to adjust my perspective to where it doesn’t sound so long, but also doesn’t seem too soon for action either. I tell myself to stay focused and too trust God’s timing…it is just so hard especially today. Last weekend, I got to spend quality time with my wife, Maria. It was so good to see her ono so many levels. But today I deal with the hollowness of being alone again, knowing she goes into battle too…alone too. Man, this sucks. I need to get home.

This week starts out a little quieter the other week. Here in Florida, we dealt with the possibility of Hurricane Dorian doing damage to the mainland. A week of preparation and warning also carried with it the stress of a family separated, living in different parts of the state, and I couldn’t do anything to help or protect them. It turns out the storm missed, and everyone was fine. But I am still feeling the effects of being helpless. That’s what this system does. It works to strip you of your strength. It wears you down. It makes you start to doubt things…sometimes the very things that keep you going are made to be questioned. I don’t think many people understand this part of the game.

Thank you all who have reached out in the last few weeks. Some reached out to me, others to Maria, checking in to make sure we were ok. Yesterday, someone emailed me to let me know that they prayed for me and my family with their church. That is so awesome. If I were able to ask anything of you this week, prayer is what I would ask for. Not just for me. Please pray for Maria, that she will continue to be surrounded by good people. That she is comforted in her chaotic and stressful world. That she might be able to look to a future released from this stress. I would ask that you pray for Evan and Austin. I would ask for prayers that they continue to be blessed as young men of promise and continue to be guided in a godly way. I would ask for you to pray that our family can be united again soon.

Amen. Thank you.

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What would happen if you disappeared?

No, I don’t mean go away for a while or you were born like in a “It’s A Wonderful Life” kind of way. I mean just disappear. You go to the store and you don’t come home. You leave for work in the morning and never show up. How long would it take for someone to notice?

Recently, there was a story of a man who went fishing with his friend. They left on Friday for a day of fishing off the coast of Jacksonville. This was no big event. He had done this type of trip many times before this day. But this one was little different. He and the boat were never seen again. Lost at sea. But it took two days for anyone to notice. He didn’t come home for two days and no one noticed. By the way, yes, he was married and had a family. Maybe he did this type of thing often, however, and it didn’t cause a stir. But, because of the delay, the rescue effort was delayed for at least 36 hours.

There was also the story of the college student who went for a run. You guessed it. She never came home from the run, but she wasn’t missed for almost 4 days. Good thing for her she was a good student and her professor noticed she missed two classes in a row… Not her friends or her family. (yes she had both).

Both of the stories are crazy to me.

Two days… Four days… Now don’t get me wrong. Some people just don’t connect daily–I get it. It was never my style, however. My sons went to college, I connected daily. I had a habit of sending out a daily message, thoughtful quote, and a funny joke, or just a simple “what’s up?” It was my way of staying in touch. It was also because they were a part of my life. The good thing was they were in the habit of responding to my texts. Sometimes they even contacted me if I was late at sending it out– maybe just checking on me. I never wanted a day to go by without connecting.

What’s wrong with people today? I don’t know. Do you connect to daily? If you don’t, is life so busy that you can’t connect with the people you say you can’t live without? With the latest technology on your hip, in your pocket, or somewhere in your purse, is it so difficult to reach out and check on your people? Who checks on you?

As I sit in prison, I know people forget about me. I have e-mail and people still don’t connect with me. I’ve had to accept the reality of being one of the forgotten ones. It comes with the territory. That’s really not the point. I personally don’t think people have an excuse to lose track of people they say they care about.

Is there someone you can’t live without? Did you check on them today? Is someone checking on you? If not, how long would it take to notice you were missing?

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“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” -Jesus (Luke 6:27-28)

How do you handle directions? Are you one who immediately responds and in an affirmative manner & attitude? Or are you the one that immediately questions the intention of the person issuing the direction and then requires additional instruction? Or are you a little of both?

For me, the intent of the direction has always been perceived based on the person giving the direction. If I respect you, I accept the direction as positive instruction and beneficial to both of us. If I think you are shady, well so are your directives. I think most people are similar in pattern.

But what if you are emotionally under attack and reminded by someone outside the event how you are supposed to act? Think of it like getting advice from someone you did not ask it from. How do you accept it? In prison, I’ve had a lot of training and getting unwanted advice. Every inmate thinks that each has the best advice for anyone, except himself, of course. That’s a different story.

I think this Biblical advice is even more frustrating when it comes in response to prayer. Instructed in the many ways of prayer, one is to be ready to receive an answer in different ways, like when reading Scripture. This is what happened to me this morning. My prayer lately has been consistent: God, FIX THIS! I think he is reminding me that, while I can never do what he does, he will not do for me what I can do for myself.

Love…do good to…bless…pray for…those who mistreat you.

Can I get partial credit? Negotiate two of the four? Three? We all know the answer to that. This is definitely a package deal.

It’s an emotional battlefield out there; not just in prison, I’m sure. Technology has taken the place of a lot of the personal touch. I can see that absence does not make the heart grow fonder any longer… Now people just have to hit the “like” button and they “feel” like they have that connection. But person there is no “like” button.

So today, I’ll just do my best. To the guard who thinks of a piece of crap…bless you. To the kitchen worker who throws my food around… I’ll pray for you. To the other inmates who think they are better… I’ll still be good to you. For those who refuse to show me love…well, I’ll work on that.

“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” -Jesus (Luke 6:27-28)

Did you ever wonder why some of the ideas that come to us as a “revelation,” were in plain view for a long time before we saw them? Case in point, I recently received some mail from someone I knew in college. While receiving mail may not seem like a big deal to you, it reinforced the fact that writing is the lost art of our time and I am missing the opportunity to allow a much easier way to reach out to me.

I received notices of rejected mail over the last month or so. I didn’t recognize the name, so I just chalked it up to some of the efforts I have been involved with recently. I reached out to several people I heard speak at leadership conferences in the past hoping they would volunteer some materials I could use in my classes here on the compound. I had also written a professor at the University of Pennsylvania for similar considerations. So, to receive mail from a name I didn’t recognize didn’t faze me.

Then I received a letter and realized the mail being rejected was from someone I knew. She had just changed her last name some years ago. She wrote that she came across my story a few months back and wanted to write, but couldn’t find my address. When she did get the idea to look me up on Florida Department of Correction’s website, she neglected to format the address correctly. After receiving the rejected mail, she finally called and was told the proper format for sending mail. That’s a lot of work and I really appreciate her perseverance.

But learning about the proves to finally reach me, I had to scratch my head. In a world dominated by texting, tweeting, and email, it shouldn’t be hard to send along a message. But guess what? It’s not! We actually have an email system in prison. But it’s obvious that it is a well-kept secret. Today, I am here to break the code and let you all in on a secret.

Go to jpay.com and look me up by my name or inmate number (H47408). You then can register to send me an email. How cool is that? Oh, it’s not free. Like any for-profit business, the DOC will make you pay for the privilege. The good news is it costs less than a letter stamp to send a message. Like email, you can send photos and videos too! I’m always asking for photos to keep up with the real world and what people are doing.

Of course, if you’re one of the few who actually write letters, you can send those too. You need to format the letter correctly, or you will get it back. Just send it to:

Michael Barnes, H47408

Lawtey Correctional Institution

PO Box 2000

Lawtey, FL 32058

So, if you’re one of the many who meant to write, but found it difficult and outdated, drop me a line (or HMU). I would love to hear from you. It’s really not that hard.

What adversity are you dealing with right now? How are you allowing it to build you character?

I woke up this morning t these questions. They were the questions at the end of my devotional that ae supposed to allow for greater reflection. Coincidentally, I am dealing with some “adversity” today. I lost two people from my small circle of friends here in prison. When I saw small, I mean today I lost both my friends. They left for good reasons. I am glad for them. In prison, there is always the possibility of moving without notice, but most of the time it is planned depending on where you are in your time served. As you get closer to the end of your sentence, you get ready to leave for a work-release camp or go to a camp closer to your home for the re-entry process. If you are looking for a change, you can request a transfer to another camp, but only once a year. Either way, you have a good idea you are leaving at some time in the near future.

While I am happy for the guys, I’m left dealing with the fact that the relationships I’ve careful developed over the last two years are over. To think any of us are going to want to hang out after we get out is not a reality. In prison, there is a strength in numbers and you typically gravitate to people more like yourself. I’ve found very few who are much like me. Yeah, I have the same relationships as you. I have the many who I deal with for different reasons, but the inner circle is very tight. There is nothing like the loneliness felt while being surrounded by “acquaintances.” The one thing prison has taught me, however, is to deal with the transient relationships. I’ll survive this episode too.

If I paid attention to. My reading yesterday, I would have seen this, “August reminds us of the impermanence of all things. All that seems dependable will someday pass away.”  SOMEDAY…not TODAY…isn’t that what we always say? If we take a minute to be mindful of our situation on this Earth, we will be reminded of the fleeting moments of life. Yet, we still feel vulnerable and unprepared when these things happen to us. Shame on us.

As I move forward today, I deal with broken relationships and the lesson of life reinforced itself once again. As King Solomon said in the Book of Ecclesiastes, “So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no man knows whether love or hate awaits him.” Very wise words from so long ago, but such wise words are still relevant today. His advice helps me to answer the second question from the opening quote of this blog. I put it all in God’s hands today. While things have not been east, He has never let me down.

So, what’s the take-away from this essay? Today, take a minute to let the people who are important to you know that they are important to you. Take the time to cherish your relationships. But if you’re like me, well, just smile and keep breathing. Today is another opportunity to start something awesome.

“So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no man knows whether love or hate awaits him.” Ecclesiastes 9:1

Change is never welcomed as a traveler. But without it, how would we grow?

This prison experience was not welcomed in my life. But if I didn’t change, I would have had a very rough time. My willingness to change not only allowed survive but also improve me. Let me say this one thing. I did not change in a bad way. I did not sacrifice my Integrity or lower my standards. I just learned a different way of doing some of the same things – and I am better because of it.

I didn’t like it, but I did it.

We recently had a change of leadership at the facility. You would think the world is coming to an end. Talk about being fat and happy. The officers here were both… Now they’re just not happy. But why, I asked, does it seem like it is the inmates fault? But it’s always like that isn’t it? Change comes to us and we get in a bad mood and want to blame someone else rather than accept it as an inevitable part of life.

Do yourself a favor. When faced with change, accept it. Welcome it. Embrace it. Then make the changes it requires to make you better. Keep breathing…

For those who have been following along with my legal challenge, my latest update to you is that my case has been formally filed. Nothing seems to happen quickly in the legal world, sometimes you need to tread lightly and make sure to cover all your bases…at least the ones you know about. The landmines the court will lay are never visible. That’s why you should hire a highly experienced attorney.

The purpose of this motion is to show that my trial attorney did not meet the requirements of “competent” counsel guaranteed by the US Constitution, and that his actions (or inactions) led to a flawed trial. In my case, that is not too hard to show that serious mistakes were made. The question will be whether or not the judge will prove to be impartial enough to correct the prejudice caused by my attorneys errors. See, I believe there is a solid “good ol’ boy” network and I’m on the wrong side of it. But we will see. I’m confident…but scared to death.

The process now waits on the judge. He or she must make the decision of whether or not my complaints have any merit. If so, the judge can make an immediate decision. But the more likely scenario is that the judge will send it to the State Attorneys office to allow them to respond, which will add time to the process. How much? Probably another 30 to 90 days. But they are not in prison, so it’s not that big of a deal.

Ultimately, the decision will be made that will either grant me the opportunity to present my case against my trial attorney in open court, or not. Is a good thing that the opportunity is granted but that is also when the real struggles begin. Why? Well for one, it will cost another $10,000 to go back to court. The first $15,000 was just the fee to file the motion to the court and get the court date.

As you can see for my GoFundMe page: (CLICK ME PLEASE).

I really need some more help.

The second challenge is going back to the Polk County Jail and wait on the court date. For those who don’t know, prison is a nice place compared to the Polk County Jail. I have some vivid memories of just how bad it was when I was there for four months before I went to the hell hole of a prison facility in the Florida Panhandle. Yeah life sucks, but it will get worse before it gets better for me.

There’s other scenarios, but for now if you’d consider donating to the fund for my ongoing legal expenses I would appreciate it. If this goes as I expect it, I could be home before Evans wedding next June.

For that, I will walk through hell again.